Magneto's School of Wonders
by QuackMoo
Summary: Magneto just doesn't connect with the rest of the Acolytes. Hey, it's lonely at the top. After several tries, he finally figures out what it is that separates them- Stupidity! Find out how Magento bridges this gap.
1. The Beginning

Disclaimer: I don't own X-Men Evolution or any X-Men of any kind, dammit.

A/N: This was a random idea that sort of came up when I was talking with a member of this yahoo group (Join it. I command you.), and she informed me that Pyro and Gambit were between 17 and 20 years old (Specifics- Pyro: 17-19, Gambit: 18-20) So I wondered why they didn't go to school. Stupid me, how obvious it was—Magneto homeschools them!! This made me giggle, so I decided to bring the wonderousness of it to you!

This one is by just Leslie. No Kayli at all, so if it sucks, don't go ranting to Kayli. If it is the greatest you've ever read, don't go praising Kayli! : D

          "Gambit! To my office immediately!" The voice of the great Magneto echoed through the home base of the Acolytes. Gambit stood up from where he had been sitting in the common room to walk to the office of Boss Man, as they had dubbed him. Okay, as Pyro had dubbed him and they all went along with so as to avoid arson of any sort.

            "Ooooooooh! Boom Boy in trouble!! What'd ya do? Huh? Huh? What'd ya do this time?" Pyro made annoying noises like a 7th grader might when a peer was called to the principal's office. Gambit noticed the use of his annoying nickname and cringed. Pyro gave annoying nicknames to everyone.

            "Nothing, Spaz. I assume the Bossman is just informing me of our next mission against humans and/or the X-Men. That is typically what he does when he calls me to his office. You know, every time he has so far…" Gambit replied, using his own little nickname for Pyro.

            "Sure it is." Pyro gave Gambit a knowing wink and went back to cleaning and refilling his gas tanks.

            Gambit sighed and walked on his way to Magneto's crib. Pyro was so mentally tiresome. Quicksilver had an attitude problem, but they were breaking him in. The only reason that arrogant smirk still showed up on his face was because 'Daddy' always intervened, but someday when 'Daddy' wasn't looking…Gambit gave a little chuckle. Oh, Fastass would soon be in his place. 

Colossus was okay. He was kind of quiet and gave off the air of eternally tormented. So what if he was forced into lackey-ity because of something Magneto is holding over his head that he won't tell anyone about? Weren't we all? Okay, so maybe Pyro wasn't. 

Sabertooth was so…animal like. It was disgusting. He must have grown up in the forest or something. Gambit wouldn't blame his parents for throwing him out, if they had. He spoke in mostly grunts, he smelled all the time and was violently opposed to baths, and he even went out at night to hunt for his food. Crazyass…that's what they all are.

Gambit had reached Magneto's door. Looking both ways down the hall to make sure there wasn't some speedy Q-Tip or otherwise mental Acolyte running his way so as to avoid getting run down (it was a common problem living with crazyasses. The largest killer in all crazy homes and/or bases), he crossed the hall and knocked on the large metal door.

WHOM, the door opened seemingly of its own will with that sound that always accompanies Magneto anywhere he goes and anything he moves with his special metal powers. Gambit rolled his eyes. Show off.

He stepped in the door and froze. WHOM, it closed behind him, but Gambit was too busy staring at Magneto to notice. He was wearing a baseball cap sideways, dark sunglasses, a basketball jersey, and lots of 'ice' to accompany it. "Yo yo, my home eey. What is up, G Dog Man…dude…" Magneto said, stiffly. What was going on?

"Uh…sir?" Gambit replied.

"I'm just trying to fit in! I don't feel like I connect with you guys on your level!" Magneto sobbed suddenly, "You get so lonely at the top…"

"If I can make a suggestion, sir?" 

"Certainly. Go right ahead." He regained his evil overlord composure immediately.

"Well, if you just talked to us sometimes…maybe joked around a bit. If you didn't act so…so…" Gambit trailed off, not wanting to say what he knew would outrage the Bossman.

"Act so what? Go on; you've sparked my interest." Magneto leaned forward on his desk.

"So…er…like you're better than us." He cringed, fully expecting to be stuck to the wall and stabbed through the gut with a metal bar.

"I don't know what you're talking about. You stupid lackeys think you know everything. Why you're nothing but pawns to be used at my whims, bugs to be crushed under my little finger. Leave my presence immediately, you foul excuse for a mutant! You aren't worthy of breathing the same air as I!!" he stretched his arm out and flicked his wrist in the universal "shoo" gesture and turned his face away, not even looking at Gambit.

Gambit was close to tears. He had only done what Magneto told him to, anyway. In a surge of teenage hormones, he stood up and yelled, "See! That's exactly what I'm talking about! You never listen! I hate you!" and he ran, sobbing from the office.

"Crabapples. He's just a whippersnapper…what does he know? I'm all old an wise-y. I know everything and he knows nothing." Magneto crossed his arms and pouted. Though he kept telling himself Gambit was wrong (Which was an interesting spectacle if you'd watched. A crazy, powerful mutant in gangster clothes arguing that "He's wrong! He knows nothing!" While it seems that no one is arguing back.), he couldn't help but realize he had a point…

Donning his regular Magneto clothes so as not to have the same effect on the rest of them as he had had on Gambit at first sight, minus the helmet- yeah, that was just too intimidating- he floated out the door with a loud WHOM and down the hall into the common room where they were all chilling except for Gambit who was in his room crying because no one understands him. 

"My dick's so big, it was once overthrown  by a military group. It is now known as the Democratic Republic of My Dick!" Pyro said to the other two.

            "Oh yeah?" Colossus challenged him, "My dick's so strong, it's metal…" There was silence.

            "Man, that was lame, Tinfoil Lad. I should burn you for that." Pyro stated. (Who else?)

            Some strange grunting noises came from Sabertooth's direction. He seemed to be trying to communicate.

            "Did the Fuzzmeister just tell a big dick joke?" They were all dumbfounded. Except Sabertooth, who looked slightly offended.

            "My dick is so quick, it can go to the moon and back in point five seconds!" Quicksilver said, excited to be part of the group, "Wanna see??" He began to unzip his costume.

            "Aww, man, Fastass! Put that away!" Pyro exclaimed, disgusted.

            Colossus laughed, "It rhymes! It rhymes! Dick…quick! Huhuhuhuhu!!"  

            Magneto coughed from the doorway, "My dick's so all-powerful, it bent Colossus' dick with its mind." They all turned and stared, gaping. Magneto was slightly uncomfortable. He fidgeted in the air and looked down at his feet then mumbled, "You know…because he just said his dick was metal, and I can bend metal with my mind…" They were still silent, "And if my dick were really powerful it would have a mind of its own, so it could bend metal with its mind and therefore bend Colossus' dick…"

            A collective "Ohhhhh!" went through the room, as well as a couple of shouts of "I get it!"

            "Wow, Magneto, sir. That was a pretty cool, if not complicated, joke!" Colossus said, but Magneto didn't answer. He had just realized why he couldn't seem to connect with them. 

He hovered speedily back to his office and WHOMed through the door. With a WHOM, the PA system microphone flew to his hands. "Gambit! Get in here, quick! My brilliancy has showed itself yet again! Quickly now! Chop chop!" He sat down and sighed happily, smiling to himself. While waiting for gambit to get over himself, dry his eyes, and drag his feet all the way to his office, Magneto amused himself by making various metal objects dance. 

He was just making a couple of forks do the cancan when there was a knock on his door. WHOM, "Come in! Come in!"

Gambit sat down moodily and heaved a moody sigh, "What brilliancy has your great mind come up with this time, oh great Master?" 

"I've figured out why we can't communicate!" He exclaimed.

"Whoa there, Cowboy. Keep your cape on." Was the sarcastic response.

"Erm…yes, well." Magneto raised an eyebrow. Cowboy? "Anyway, the thing is, I tried to joke with your buddies just now-"

"Hey, hey! Buddies? Let's not go that far. Stick with acquaintances."

"Fine, acquaintances. Anyway, I told this _amazing _joke, but none of them got it. I had to explain what I meant, and you know that takes all the fun out of it. I converse with you every once in awhile because you're the only one of moderate intelligence. And even 'moderate' isn't much. Your filth stupidity bothers my head."

"No shit, Sherlock. What was your fist clue?" Gambit was still giving him 'the attitude'.

Magneto raised his eyebrow again. Now he was Sherlock? Sherlock wasn't a cowboy. How could he be both? "See, I figured that maybe if you were all smarter, we could connect and communicate better and easier."

"Well, thank you for that wonderful tidbit of information, Captain Obvious. Do you have anything else blatantly obvious that you'd like to share with us today?"

Captain Obvious? Us? The mental trauma of hormones must have been too much for him, frying most of his brain cells. Maybe he should help straighten him out. "Uh…my name is Magneto, Gambit, not Sherlock or Captain Obvious. And I'm not a cowboy, I'm an evil overlord. And there is only one of you. There is no 'us'."

Gambit rolled his eyes, "You weren't supposed to _actually _point out the obvious, dumbass! I was making fun of you!"

"Oh…?"  
            "Just…just tell me what your brilliant idea was to solve this mental obstacle."

"Well, I thought I could teach you guys myself!"

"Like homeschool??" Gambit sat up straight, alarmed.

"Yeah! Like homeschool!" Magneto clapped his hands together and giggled.

"AAAAAARRRGGGHHH!!! NOT SCHOOL! ANYTHING BUT SCHOOL!!!!" He ran from the office for the second time that day, but this time to warn the rest of the Acolytes so they could all run away.

A/N: Good? Yes? Wee? Personally, I think being homeschooled by Magneto with Pyro and Gambit would be pretty fun…REVIEW!!!!! I can't stress the reviewing part enough. If u don't, it means I suck. Plus, short chappie. Want more? Review.


	2. The Great Escape

Diclaimer: Nope, still don't own X-Men Evolution. He says he does, though! ::points at some fat, middle-aged man selling T-Shirts that say "To the Moon and back in .5 Seconds!" at a little cart:: ::watches as police officers and lawyers escort him away:: Hehe…

A/N: Amazing that this story is about the Acolytes being homeschooled, but it took a whole chapter to introduce this idea. Maybe the story has a chance! WOOO!!! Read.

            Magneto sat back in his chair and looked at the ceiling. "That went rather well." He said to himself, "Gambit seemed really excited…maybe a little too excited, but excited nonetheless! He probably ran off to tell the rest of the minions about this great idea to get them excited too! Oh, this is going to be soooo much fun!" With a squeal, he set to work planning what they were going to do at Magneto's School of Wonders For Criminally Stupid Lackeys. Hey, Xavier's 'Institute' has an incredibly long and descriptive name! Why can't Magneto's? At least he didn't use the word 'Youngster'. Magneto snorted. Xavier was such a dweeb. 

Meanwhile: In the common room:

"What? SCHOOL?!" Colossus sobbed, "I was always picked on in school!"

"Don't cry, Tinfoil Lad. Men don't cry. Unless you're a twink?" Pyro comforted him, "Hahahaha! Twink Tank! Get it? Cuz you're metal and big, and so are tanks, and you're a twink!"

"I'm not a twink!" Colossus cried harder, "I'm just sensitive!"

"Sh-yeah. Whatever you say, Twink Tank. Sensitive: codename for gay."

"Spaz, no making fun of partners." Gambit sighed. Always get Pyro if you want trouble. "In crime! Partners in CRIME!! Damn, you're sick. Get your mind out of the gutter." He added after the look he got from Pyro, "Anyway, Twi-Colossus. You'll rust if you keep crying."

Pyro had moved on to his next victim. "What about you, Fuzz Bub? What do you think of school? Do you even know what it is?" He had called Sabertooth 'Fuzz Bub' ever since Wolverine had said it and Sabertooth had made the mistake of recounting the story to the Acolytes. He hated that name.

"ssskooo?" Sabertooth grunted.

"Yes. Skoo." Pyro laughed.

In a fit of animal rage, Sabertooth picked up the easy chair he had been sitting on and threw it against the wall. He then proceeded to make savage animal noises and destroy everything within arm's length. This included Quicksilver as he returned from relieving himself in the facilities. 

"Moooo!" Quicksilver mooed as he flew across the room and hit the wall.

Sabertooth had had enough of the restraints of one room. He ran out of the commonroom and proceeded out the door of the base to wreak havoc on Gotham City…or wherever they lived.

"Well, I think that's answer enough." Pyro laughed.

"Glad you find this funny! Now we have to clean this up or else we don't get dessert tonight!" Colossus wailed.

"Dude, Q-Tip, what did you say when Fuzz Bub threw you?" Pyro turned on Quicksilver.

"Uh…ahh?" He shrugged nervously.

"No, it sounded more like…new…coo…loo…or maybe MOO?"

"It was loo!" Quicksilver shouted, "Because I just got back from the loo!"

"Who shouts 'loo' when they get back from the loo?" Gambit put in. He didn't mind picking on Quicksilver, the annoying little brat.

"I meant coo! I said 'cool' because it felt cool flying through the air like that!"

"Cow." Colossus said, with a jealous look at Quicksilver's twiggy body, "You're so fat! How can you live like that?"

Pyro laughed the only laugh we've ever heard him laugh (but we've heard it quit often..the exact same one). It was a sexy, happy, maniacal laugh. Yum, "YOU SAID MOO!"

"SO?! YOU ALL HATE ME! I'M TELLING DADDY!!" he started towards the door, but Gambit stopped him.

"Guess what your loving daddy is making you do." He drawled dangerously.

"Buy candy and eat it?"

"No."

"Decide between a puppy and a kitty?"

"No."

"Float on marshm-"

"NO!! He's making you go to school!"

"What?! This is so unfair! Everyone is against me! I'm running away!" And he did, he ran out of the room, down the hall, and into his room, but that's as far as he got. He ran into the wall on the other side of his room due to brake damage and fell to the floor, unconcious.

"Not a bad idea from the albino." Colossus nodded, "Except for the part where he knocked himself out."

"Well, I don't think Magneto will start school just yet. He'll need time to plan first. Pack your bags tonight with only things you'll absolutely need, and we'll meet here and sneak out tomorrow morning at 5." The other two nodded. "Remember. Five o'clock sharp. Here. Only one bag. Only the absolute necessities. Oh, and don't tell Magneto."

With that, they all departed their separate ways to get ready for the great escape. Gambit hoped they would listen to him and be extra careful not to let Magneto know. If he knew, they would never escape.

The dinner bell rang all throughout the newly dubbed Magneto's School of Wonders for Criminally Stupid Lackeys. They all trooped to the dinner hall where, to their horror, they were served green beans by walking metal spatulas. 

"Eeeeeew. Green beans are icky!" Pyro exclaimed.

"Eat your vegetables, young man!" Magneto chastized him.

"Nu uh!"

"NOW!" Pyro shoved them all in at once and smiled at Magneto. Magneto began serving himself, muttering about insolent brats.

Colossus was trying to solve a tough problem at the other end of the table. He was looking at three plates that sat before him. One held green beans, one held spinach, and one held an unrecognizable brown substance. "Let's see…" he whispered, "Nast, bleck, or grody? Which is least bad?" He finally settled on the unrecognizable brown substance.

Quicksilver said he didn't like what they were having for dinner, so Magneto made him two peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. "More food for a growing boy!" He said as he sat them down in front of Quicksilver, "Eat up!" 

Sabertooth was present only because Magneto was big on family dinners. Everyone had to be there. When they all complained about the rank smell, his excuse was Sabertooth's sparkling conversation. He didn't eat anything, though. Later that night he would go out and kill a couple of rabbits or something and eat them.

Gambit just sat quietly, as usual, and ate his 'food' without complaining. He was deep in his thoughts thinking about where they could go. The X-Men Headquarters was definitely out of the question. They all had to go to school, and even if they didn't, Pyro couldn't get along. There was just something about using his powers to help people and restraining them for only that that got to him. The Brotherhood was also out. He couldn't stand those pigs. They were stupid, and they smelled like Sabertooth. He could probably go live with them. The other reason was Mystique. Gambit shuddered. She had the _worst _ personality, and he voice was annoying as hell. Dyke. Slut. Haha. That left the sewers. Even though the Morlocks were ugly as sin, they were nice enough people. A little reclusive though. Hopefully, they would take them in.

"So, minions. I expect Gambit has told the rest of you about the wonderful new adventure we are embarking on?" Magneto smiled at his little 'family'. They stared blankly at him except for Gambit, who nodded at Magneto and continued eating, and Pyro, who had never stopped eating or made any sign he'd heard at all. Magneto rolled his eyes and sighed. "School. Has Gambit told you that we're going to be having school?"

A collective murmur of "Oooh"s and "Yeah"s went through the room as they all nodded at each other and Magneto except for Gambit, who just nodded once at Magneto and went back to eating, and Pyro, who never looked up from his plate or quit shoveling food in his mouth for one consecutive second.

Dinner commenced with conversation much like the above, but, unfortunately, all good things must come to an end. They all proceeded back to their rooms. Sabertooth snuck out his window to go hunting, and Gambit, Pyro, and Colossus began their packing. Gambit packed all the necessities: a change of clothes, some money, soap, et cetera. Colossus packed oil to keep his shield from squeaking. He didn't intend to wear clothes if he could help it. After all, why wear clothes when you had metal-wear? Pyro spent three hours packing and repacking his flame throwers and a small refrigerator filled with those little cubes of cheddar cheese until he got them to fit _just right _. Finally, they all went to bed so they could start out fresh and cheerful in the morning. 

A/N: Chapter two. Four reviews  already! Weee! Even though one was from Kayli, that's still good. Thanks to Amanda, Etwa, and Window Girl (all of which were not signed reviews, so I don't know what their real names are.) I'm going to assume Window Girl is Teara, who gave me the idea. Special thanks to her! Btw: Teara said it was okay to give you all her AOL sn. You all get to share the wonders of talking to her now! Yay! It is tearraspades. REVIEW!!


	3. Roll Call

Disclaimer: Get out of my house!! ::runs circles around Pigs:: I didn't kidnap the X-Men OR the Acolytes OR the Brotherhood OR the Morlocks OR any other mutants that may be straggling around without a home like, maybe, BoomBoom, thankyouverymuch. THEY AREN'T MINE! Look, see? I put a disclaimer. You aren't gonna look under the bed, are you?

A/N: Well, I've managed to write two chapters and not start with the schooling part yet. I'm not looking forward to it, why should I force it on the Acolytes so soon? Mayyyybe this story isn't about school at all! Maybe it's about them running away from school! Or maybe it IS about school. Who really knows? I might. I hope I do, seeing as it is my story and all…gee I hope I have a plot planned out for this. But what if I don't? Could you really tell? As long as I kept it going and it stayed consistent? I'm rambling now. On with it!

            "Wakey, wakey!!!! Eggs and bakey!!!!" an overly cheerful voice boomed throughout the school for the criminally stupid. It didn't stay cheerful, though. "Get your lazy asses out of bed! I won't have any tardies. Meet in the breakfast room in an hour."

            Gambit rolled over. 'Time for school. Get up.' He thought to himself. 'School…WHAT?!' He sat up in bed and looked at the clock. 4:00 am burnt red in his eyes. The monster. Magneto had woken them up at four so they could start school at five. He was supposed to meet the others in the common room at five! 'Curses. Foiled again.' Well, the first day of school was always the best. Except the last day. Maybe they would come back for the last day of school. He fell out of bed and started his morning routine. 

            While still trying to pick himself up off the floor, his door burst open and Pyro and Colossus ran in. They both looked panicked. "AHHHH! BOOM BOY!!! DID YOU HEAR?" Pyro exclaimed.

            "Yes, yes. Hard not to. Come in and close the door." He grumbled.

            "What are we to do, Gambit?" Colossus heaved a metallic sigh like Darth Vader breathing, only a sigh.

            Gambit raised one eyebrow. "Well…um…we could go today and see how it is."

            "Okay. Funfunfun!!" Pyro's panick had certainly gone away quickly.

            "B-b-but the kids all pick on me at school!" colossus sobbed.

            "Shut up, ya fairy!" Pyro poked Colossus' side. Unfortunately for Pyro, Colossus had guessed he would, and his side was covered by his metal shield thing. "Owwwww!!" Pyro whined as he sucked on his finger. "Ooooh! Now you gonna get it!" Colossus opened the door and ran, Pyro chasing after him.

            Gambit finally got himself off the floor. Taking his showering things, he wobbled down the hall to the bathroom and took a shower. After that, he got dressed and put on his trenchcoat, of course, because Gambit wouldn't be Gambit without it. (Hear that, movie-makers?? GAMBIT WOULDN'T BE GAMBIT WITHOUT HIS TRENCHCOAT!!!) 

            About ten minutes early, he started out on his way to the breakfast room. After all, you never know what may happen on the way. Colossus and Sabertooth were already there when Gambit arrived. "What's going on?" he asked.

            Sabertooth grunted something that sounded like "I ate Quicksilver. Oopsie." And, indeed, he gave a nice, loud belch to confirm what Gambit thought. Gambit moved to the other end of the table.

            "We don't know. We just did what the Boss Man said." Colossus answered, close to tears. He had been close to tears ever since he'd found out they were going to school.

            "Right." Gambit said. He picked up some toast that was sitting on the table and sat down with his feet propped up on he table.

            "That's bad for your digestion, mate." Came a distinctly Australian voice from the doorway. They all looked up as Pyro walked in. His head drooped, his feet dragged, and for the first time in his life, as far as Gambit knew, he didn't have a laughing edge to his voice. "Sit up straight with your feet on the ground when you eat."

            "I didn't know you knew stuff like that. Besides, you eat in the strangest positions imaginable!" Gambit took his feet off the table.

            "You learn new things everyday, don't you?" Pyro yawned and collapsed on the floor, unconscious.

            Finally, three seconds before 5, Quicksilver joined them in the breakfast room. All he got were tired, indifferent looks. It was a nice change from the evil, plotting glares he usually got. He laughed, "Cheer up! How bad can it be? Daddy planned it in one day! It'll be fun, as long as Daddy's teaching!" An apple core hit his head from the corner of the room where Sabertooth sat. Quicksilver walked towards an open seat, grumbling about mangy cats needing training, but tripped over a sleeping Pyro laying on the ground. His head contacted the metal flooring with a bang, and he was out cold.

            At exactly five o'clock, Magneto hovered in with a WHOM. "Welcome, students!" He grinned the horribly fake grin you always get from teachers that try to act cool but are really stuck up, evil, old coots. He WHOMed all the food dishes, and everything else around that had nothing to do with school, out the door, and then he noticed Quicksilver and Pyro laying sprawled on the floor in an odd position. "My my! Some of us need to start getting to bed earlier. Lackeys! Wake them!"  His face scrunched up in an distasteful expression as he looked at his son.

            Gambit pulled out a two of hearts and threw it at the two on the floor. With a BAM, it exploded over their heads. 

Pyro shot up. "Fire! Fire! Where's the fire? I smell smoke! I heard a boom! Where's the fire?!" It was then that he noticed Quicksilver laying on top of him. "AHHHH!!! Get it off!!! Get it off me!!!! What's he _doing?? _I always knew the little worm was queer, but THIS?? I've been violated!" He shoved Quicksilver off and ran around the perimeter of the room, not stopping, for five minutes until Magneto told him to sit down.

Sabertooth jumped over the table and landed on top of Quicksilver. He then proceeded to bounce up and down on top of him. Quicksilver came to in a second. "Ouchies! Daddy!!!" Magneto lifted Sabertooth off Quicksilver with his cool metal abilities and set him back in his seat.

"I just want you to know, Son." Magneto gave his son an understanding look, "I love you no matter what lifestyle you choose."

"What are you talking about?" 

"What I'm saying is that if you were to have a different…er…sexual preference…than what's normal, I understand, and I still love you in a fatherly sort of way."

"I'm not gay, Daddy!" Quicksilver was appalled.

"Right. You can come out when you're ready." Magneto nodded, and Pyro coughed from his seat. The cough sounded strangely like "in denial", but Pyro insisted he was just coughing. 

"Anyway, Son, take your seat and we can begin our first day of Magneto's School of Wonders for Criminally Stupid Lackeys by calling role." Magneto pulled out a sheet of notebook paper that had been ripped out of a spiral and had frayed edges, "Allerdyce, Saint John?" He yelled across the room.

"Yo!" Pyro yelled back.

"Oh, if you're here, I'd appreciate it if you would say 'Here' or 'Present' or something along those lines to indicate that you're here. Let's try this again, shall we? Allerdyce, Saint John?"

Pyro rolled his eyes, "Present!" He said in a sickly-sweet voice.

A laugh came from the back, "_Saint _John?"

"Yeah, mate. That's what my parents named me." Pyro replied to Quicksilver's laugh, "And if one of your parents weren't in this room and very powerful, you would be called Ash by now."

Quicksilver shut up…well, quickly. Magneto, however didn't appreciate this comment, "I will NOT have my students making fun of my son! I mean other students! So don't! Or I'll…punish you because that's what teachers do!"

"Yes, Boss Man. No more." Pyro grinned, not at all phased by the outburst.

"Moving on. Creed, Victor?"

"Huuuurmph" Victor grunted.

"Mmhmm…" Magneto eyed him, "Can you speak, young man?"

"Whummm uurp ee kahn." Victor replied.

"I won't have this insolence in my classroom!" Magneto blew up for the umpteenth time that day, and not the last.

"I don't think he speaks human. Maybe you could start a Human As A Second Language class, sir." Gambit came to Sabertooth's rescue. He was getting fed up. It should never have to take this long to get through two people's names.

"Um…of course I will, but not just yet. LeBeau, Remy?" Magneto hurriedly changed the subject.

"Gambit is here, sir."

"Very nice, young man, but I asked if Remy LeBeau was here."

"Yes, sir. Gambit is aware. Gambit and Remy are the same person."

"Class, I am aware we haven't gone over our rules yet, so I don't hold you responsible for knowing, young Remy, but here we do not use our codenames. All of you go by your birth names, as long as you are in my classroom. Let us try this again. LeBeau, Remy?"

"Remy is here, sir."

"Good, good! Ma-"

"Wait a minute! Ga-Remy, you haven't talked in the third person for at least a day!" Colossus pointed out, "What's up with that? Oh. My. Gosh! You aren't really Remy, are you?!"

"Aw, crap! My cover is blown! Now you all know I'm not really Cajun, I'm a new race they've been experimenting with. A mix between Iranian and Mexican. They call it…Ironic! But you can't prove it if you can't catch me!" Remy jumped out of his seat, picked it up, and hurled it through a window. He took a running start, and jumped out. 

There was a pause where nobody said a word, then Magneto stuck out his arm. All heard the metallic WHOM that clearly means Magneto powers. Remy came floating in through the shattered window as if by magic, but the Acolytes knew better. "Nice try, Remy." Magneto set him back down in his chair, "But you're not going anywhere. I'd like to take this time to inform you all that I've placed alarm systems on all the doors and windows in this school. You will not be able to go anywhere without me knowing. Understood?"

Pyro looked nervous. His eyes were shifting from side to side and his hands were twitching. No more secret, late-night lighter raids?? Sabertooth looked a bit worried. How was he supposed to get food if he wasn't allowed out? Colossus didn't seem to mind, but Remy was pissed. So much for running away. "Good." Magneto nodded after looking at each in turn to make sure they had absorbed the news. "Maximoff, Pietro?"

"I'm here, Daddy!" Quicksilver said gleefully.

"If he's your dad, why don't you have the same last name?" Pyro asked.

"Shove it, Spaz. That's not your business!" Pietro replied, ever so courteously.

"Heyyyy! Only cool people can use my nickname, Ash!" Pyro whined. 

Pietro opened his mouth to make it look like he had a come-back, even though he didn't, and when his Daddy saw this, he interrupted just in time, "That'll do. Pietro, I'm not 'Daddy' in school. Nor am I Magneto or Boss Man. I am Mr. Lensherr. Get it right. Len-sherr! Now, last name on my list, and quite possibly least: Rasputin, Piotr Nikolaivitch?"

"Here, Mr. Lensherr." Colossus answered sadly. Least…

"Crazy name, Twinky." St John comforted him. 

"Yeah, mate. It's what my parents named me, and if I didn't have the restraint and decency I do have, your name would be Flat." Piotr said in an insulting mimic of Pyro's accent.

St John glared. "You and me, Tinfoil Lad. I'm taking you out."

"Oooh! Goody!" Piotr squealed and clapped his hands together as he bounced in his seat.

"NO! Not that way! Why are all the fairies hitting on ME??" John asked the heavens, exasperated. 

Piotr turned to Remy. "You made all that stuff up about being Ironic, didn't you?"

Remy sighed, "Indeed, Remy did."

"That wasn't very nice. I actually believed you."

"You would."

Victor began grunting and 'cleaning' his foot, Pietro started picking his nose and examining the contents closely. Some of them he wiped on the chair, some went in his mouth. Remy began playing Solitaire. Magneto watched all this in distaste. This was going to be a long day for all of them.

A/N: Hoorah for Leslie! She got fourteen reviews already! This is quite possibly the best fic I've done yet! Thank you, Kayli for the idea about Ironic! I'd like to say this was in the plot all along, but you all know I don't have a plot, so I'll tell the truth: I forgot about Remy's little habit. Kayli the Great came up with that idea while I was panicking. THANK YOU!!!  

I've got two things I would like to point out now: (1) Good news! Tearra, the one who gave me the idea for this magnificent piece of work…no, not work, fun!…this magnificent piece of fun, is joining the ranks! She is our third author sharing QuackMoo! Welcome Tearra! (2) Kayli and I have been discussing this fic and future fic ideas, and we've decided Kayli will be doing the sequel to this fic! (I guess that means I have a plot, eh? Nope! It's gonna be hell for her to keep up!) I won't tell what it's going to be about, but I can tell you it involves the Acolytes AND the X-Men for sure!


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